need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
