Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
