oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
