yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize