there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
