Betty ford says i'm here all night
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
