that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
