Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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