last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
