The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We are all done wearing pants today
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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