please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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