need another drink. this is the easiest way
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
