OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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