The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
