We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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