there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
