Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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