Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
