Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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