just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
