He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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