he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
