My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
