My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
pray to the hookup gods
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
