so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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