i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
