Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
