Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
