The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
