Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
