people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
sarcasm needs its own font
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
