You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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