Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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