wanna go halves on a baby?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
