Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have aggressive nipples.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
