Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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