I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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