Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
