Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
What a dumb baby whore.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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