everyone is single if you try hard enough
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I see more hoeing in ur future
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