How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
