the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
