I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize