in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
