I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
