And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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