I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize