Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
