i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Everclear isn't food dammit
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
