You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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