the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
being pregnant is like rehab
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
