Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
No subtext here. People are naked.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
