omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
