I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
