I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
