So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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