Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Randomize
