I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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