she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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