Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
