Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
