i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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