Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
