I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
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