There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
