I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
