Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize