Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
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