How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize