just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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