All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
