You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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