11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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