life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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