So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize