Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
