careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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