How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
