she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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