Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
