your parents love me but you hate me
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
