We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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