We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
