Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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