so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
