well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
