I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
