If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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