the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
