How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
