and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
