I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize