i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
