Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
