dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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