Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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