East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
