peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
