Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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