I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
