well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
