what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
