All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
