u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
