even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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