we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My penis needs a shock collar
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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