Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i dont even know how to be here
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
