i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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