the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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